It all started in august 2011 when my dad went in the hospital for heart surgery and things have just gone downhill from there. I wont go into all the gory details only because 1) this would just end up being a longer than needed blog and 2) im not a woe is me type of person and am determined to keep it that way. But needless to say it has been the year and a half from hell. During this time I have held it all together and remained strong for everyone around me and now that things are finally settling down I am falling to pieces over it all. I can honestly say I have never been such a mess. This weekend though I am seeing a light at the end of the tunnel. Some hope. I am hesitant about hope though, it is a funny thing, because the minute I start allowing myself to hope for something I really want something else comes along to sweep it out from under me. I know, pesimissism, not my usual style. But given my recent history who can blame me. I find that few days or weeks of peace then WHAM something else happens. But heres the thing, this week I have found that after a terrible week, the worst, then I found out my aspie son finally found some success on a new med, is getting more help for his issues and had a great day at school. I may be in line for getting a bigger place in which , my son may now have his own room where he can have his own space, my daughter is getting her diabetes under control and getting her insulin pump (aka more freedom) in less then a month and both my children learned how to ride 2 wheelers today! I am so proud of them! 2 kids who are usually happy sitting inside playing video games all day could barely be brought inside for lunch. I actually forgot to give them their ADHD meds because they were using that energy constructively. So I am allowing myself some hope, for peace and for these small success' because I'm finding that while I've been so busy focusing on the negative things I'm afraid I've been letting some of these small victories pass me by. My goal for the near future allow myself to hope and see the negative things for what they really are just a learning step between victories.
No comments:
Post a Comment