Type 1 diabetes journey part 2

In part 1 of this post I mentioned that Peyton was getting her insulin pump.   She has now had it for 6 months and we have gotten used to it pretty well.   I am pleased with the freedom it brings her and the fact that she doesn't need 4 shots a day.   What I have been disappointed in is the lack of control over her blood sugars.   The aprn that we see at Endocrinology assured me that things will level out.   She is certain that her "honeymoon" phase is over (this means her pancreas is no longer producing any insulin hence the reason for her higher blood sugars and resultant a1c).  She has modified her diet some but I do allow her some treats much to my mother's annoyance (she thinks she shouldn't be allowed anything but to restrict her too much is just asking for her to rebel and make things worse) but because her a1c was so high this last visit we opted not to go trick or treating.   Having all that candy in the house was just too much of a temptation.   We went back to endo today and her a1c had gone down a little bit so we are going in the right direction.   We made a few more adjustments to her insulin and we are hopeful that things will get even better.   It was encouraging to hear the nurse say it wasn't anything we were doing or not doing because I was so disappointed to see her a1c so high. Of course there's a certain amount of guilt associated there too even tho I knew we were doing everything by the book.  As her mom and sole caretaker it is my job to ensure she is well cared for.   To protect her and keep her healthy.  To not have that control over this disease feels like a failure on my part.   As unreasonable as it may be the guilt is there just the same.   I've been finding myself waking up at all hours of the night just to check on her like I did when she first came into the world just to make sure she is still breathing.   Then she will check her sugar and go back to bed.   I am getting so paranoid but I know this child has a purpose on this planet.  She is destined for greatness (i know every parent feels this way but when you have multiple school teachers say the same thing one tends to believe it) and I will do anything I can to help her achieve those goals.   Who knows maybe she will be the one to find a cure for this disease.   :)  I am so proud of the young lady she is becoming.